LOW SELF-ESTEEMAs I entered my building today I ran into my neighbor who is the best friend of my ex-girlfriend. She was with two other of my ex-girlfriend's close friends. As usual, my neighbor gave me a viciously angry stare, as did the two other women. I theorize that once my ex took it upon herself to take her anger towards me to the level of a religious crusade, her girlfriends were then only too happy to jump aboard to project whatever unresolved issues they carry onto me.
Right before I arrived, I had been listening to a show on NPR interviewing a couple about their divorce. The woman said that all of her girlfriends encouraged her to destroy her husband emotionally and financially once he expressed a desire for divorce. I can believe it...I don't even know why my ex has such rage towards me, she never told me (I've written about the relationship in earlier posts). I feel that deep down many women simply hate men and are dying to get the chance to twist the knife with relish. (The phenomena of female insensitivity and hatred for men has been extensively written about by psychotherapists. In general, women are insensitive to men in areas where they have unresolved issues).
As much as I've been practicing non-attachment, it is a different animal when confronted with people in the flesh who have a deep seated hatred. I can come up with all sorts of theories about their emotional maladjustment or cognitive problems but how to respond in real life when faced with their anger is another matter. I found it just very upsetting; but it still hurts as I have done everything possible to reach out and be friendly and kind and then, when confronted with their anger to just go about my life, but I can't escape the emotional punch from their seething every time I run into them.
This week I'm reading a good book called Tibetan Yoga. It goes into great detail on the techniques of the yogis to maintain equilibrium in the face of hostility. As my neighbor and her friends projected their anger I did feel upset but I practiced the breathing techniques from the book. I later went for a long walk and practiced mindful meditation. How much pain they must have suffered to be so unhappy. I had always hoped for a mature connection and resolution at some point, still. For I loved my girlfriend, even in her anger, even if I never truly knew her.
