EXPECTATIONSAn insightful author wrote that the cause of anger is misplaced expectations. Years ago, I told an ex-girlfriend that I wanted to be "friends." What I meant by this, but didn't know how to express, was that I wanted emotional intimacy. She reacted with fury, cutting off all contact. I tried to repair the damage by writing to her thoughtful letters which only served to fuel her anger. Anger has always scared me and I struggled to understand hers. I now see that she must have had expectations of me that went beyond seeing me in the context of my environment and as a person. When these expectations weren't met, her natural reaction was anger. This has taught me that letting go of expectations is critical. As our knowledge is limited, one can never fully have realistic expectations. What is more productive is to communicate feelings and goals and the means to achieve such goals. How little I knew many years ago. It is very hard to be the focus of her relentless fury. I meditate on the release of expectations.
